How social media ruined JDate for me.
You know how everyone claims they know a couple that met on JDate or Match.com? My rabbi says that 12 of the last 15 weddings he officiated were from JDate. I actually have friends who met and will soon be engaged and JDate was also how they met. So despite all of my negative feelings about the supermarket of Jewish dating, I bit the bullet and paid for a month membership yesterday.
Sigh.
I'm going to try and fix my attitude for the remaining 29 days, but I'm feel very down about the whole JDate thing this evening. Okay, so it isn't just JDate that has me down, but it JDate that is going to take the blame. How's that for projecting?
How Social Media Ruined Online Dating For Me
1. JDate doesn't have paragraph breaks and if I insert paragraph breaks using HTML, you would think I typed some funny letters. I find the lack of paragraph breaks maddening and then I don't read "about me" sections that are longer than 8-10 lines.
2. JDate doesn't have status updates or archive changes to profiles. It just says "Updated," but you can't see what was updated. It isn't that I don't think that people should be able to edit or tweak the language of their profiles, but I've gotten used to some sort of running commentary of moods and thoughts.
3. JDate doesn't have many places for open answers and checking [] Surfing the Web/Chatting Online doesn't really explain this whole bloggy/twitter thing I do.
4. JDate doesn't allow that ambient intimacy to form through phatic communication, not in any real way. JDate does allow for canned e-cards and flirts--but I find those to be incredibly impersonal and I won't respond.
5. I also don't IM with strangers, I know that sounds strange given how much I communicate with strangers on Twitter. But I've found that men don't keep their manners well when they are on IM with a woman they haven't met. Straight to inappropriate comments (at least in my opinion) and then we'll never meet. So it drives me crazy that men want to initiate talking via IM, when I think that is more intimate communication than email.
6. JDate only allows me to add Y/M/N (Yes, Maybe, No) or HotList a profile. Where is my tagging? Where is my note-taking? I want to be able to say "this profile is interesting b/c of this" or "note to self: you marked him a NO because of that." And then I can't sort through my Yes, Maybe, No's to see if I want to initiate contact.
7. JDate doesn't allow me to give headlines to my photos. People pick photos that show them in Jerusalem as a not-so-subtle comment on supporting Israel. Well, two of my photos are from my last trip to Israel, but nobody can tell. But also the Uncles can't designate "not my kid" on the photos with nieces and nephews.
8. I'm not sure I have a number 8.
9. Not to mention the Jewish world in Chicago is small and the Jewish world of men who do online dating is small. So if we've already gone out or you are my friend's ex, I'd like to be able to easily block you from showing up in my results. Seriously, why do the men I mark No keep showing up?
How has Social Media changed how you use online dating? Or did it negate the need for online dating, because you met your significant other via your blog? twitter? seesmic? Or did it make you run from any sort of online dating and out into the real world?
UPDATE: I did, at the urging of many, send this post to JDate via a contact form. The post has now been read over 300 times in one day, definitely making it one of my most popular posts ever. Nerve = struck.
I got a chuckle out of this. The social media features on these erstwhile,
err, social sites leave a whole LOT to be desired.
Sounds like someone needs to start a JDate/Facebook mashup. Hm... I wonder
who that could be...? ;)
Pistachio - I don't even want to go into dating a fellow blogger or social
media user. Oy vey!
this is interesting - have you considered forwarding these comments to
jdate? it might help them to update their system. i didn't use jdate,
rabbinical school worked for me, but i have actually done a lot of jdate
weddings too....
More evidence of the technology generation gap...and now I feel OLD!
I'm with Phyl and your rabbi. The majority of weddings I do are of couples
who met on JDate. Jews of ALL ages. You just have to stick with it.
I hate Jdate. I hate Dosidate. I hate blind dating. I actually hate
dating, period.
okcupid.com has many of the features you want and is free but unfortunately
there hasn't been a large exodus of Jews to this site or any other site.
Let my people go! ;-)
Sure, it has lots of flaws, and more modern sites such as the social
networking websites have features not incorporated into JDate. But the
relevant question is not whether the site is flawed, it's whether it's
better than not having the site at all.
Hi Leah,
Wow, very well thought out, Leah. Since discovering Facebook, I've
wondered how these free online networking sites have affected Jdate's
profits. I started using Jdate (deep breath) about 10 years ago but the
young just-getting-out-of-college generation hasn't. For a group so used
to Facebook and the like, it's hard for me to imagine them forking up
30-whatever dollars a month for Jdate. Anyone have any idea if "everyone"
is still on Jdate?
I'd like to add another feature Jdate sorely needs. There is no search by
state. I mean, they allow you to search "my region", but it seems limited
to a three mile radius. I'd like to see profiles from users around my
state, and not just in my region or country. It would make searching so
much easier and sensible.
